Ah, nothing like an old-fashioned sunday drive.
Eh, Private?
Blow darts. Hard left.
Excellent reaction time, Private.
You're really getting the hang of this combat driving course.
Mind the chain saw.
My baby.
Someone please save my baby.
Wha?
Think fast, Private. That ain't no baby.
Oh, baby.
Just feel the road.
There you guys are.
Evasive.
Not bad, Private.
But had that been a decoy elephant foot loaded with TNT,
you and I wouldn't be having this conversation.
Is... is that likely to happen often, skipper?
Well, why don't we ask Manfredi and Johnson?
Oh, we can't.
'Cause they fell for the old exploding elephant foot.
So what's the trouble, long trunks?
You guys got to help me.
I got to get out of the zoo and across town.
Today.
Oh, a breakout.
Complicated by cross-town transport of the largest living land mammal.
That's a tall order on short notice, my ginormous friend.
Why the urgency?
Let's just say, an elephant never forgets.
Dark and sinister sounding with a classic pachyderm cliche.
Big man, you play me like a fiddle.
Our first obstacle is Alice.
We'll have to keep her too busy to notice jumbo's exodus.
Perhaps some sort of large mess to clean?
But what would be the ideal location for maximum filthy-osity?
The public restrooms. of course.
All we need is one strategically placed stink bomb.
Organic or chemical?
Well, let's go green on this one.
Big gray, what did you eat for breakfast?
Big broccoli and cabbage burrito. Why?
Perfecto.
What in the world?
Excellent craftsmanship.
The burrito did most of the work.
I don't know.
It doesn't really look like me.
Wait for it.
It's like looking in a mirror.
Private, where are we on the elephant take camouflage?
Ready for Burt's fittings, Skipper.
Now remember, if anyone asks,
your name is frosty fun times ice cream truck number 26.
You were trained as a laundry service vehicle,
but on your 18th birthday, you decided to follow your dream and never look back.
Why would anyone ask a truck about...
Don't confuse the man with questions, Private.
It's a very complicated alias.
"Frosty fun times". Got it.
Ready to go.
Right. Now, slow and steady.
Until anyone getting suspicious.
Steady. You're doing great, Burt.
I mean, Frosty.
Skipper, I am detecting a growing scent of pine and lemony freshness.
Sweet santa's sweat glands.
That restroom's nearly shipshape.
We got to move out. Right now!
Ice cream! It's ice cream, man!
Okay.
Okay, okay. I want three fudgie budgies
and one of those bars shaped like a president.
Melon Fillmore.
No, no, wait.
Make it a Rutherford B. Hazelnut.
I want icecream!
Ringtail, we're engaged in covert operations here.
And I am engaged in somebody who's clearly not understanding customer service.
Mort, teach mr. Icy Creamy some manners.
Ah, finally.
The final flush. She's done.
Cover is blown. Abort, men. Abort.
No. we don't abort for nothing.
Let's ride.
All clear.
Gee, thanks, guys.
We're always happy to help out a suspiciously vague cause.
Huh, and remember, I owe you one now,
and an elephant never forgets!
I think I'd like to throw a few more hay bales on that elephant decoy.
I feel like I underpadded the buttocks.
Good call.
I've lost too many good men to buttock inaccuracies.
Let's move.
Skipper. I... I found something.
Well, this is... disturbing to me.
Anyone?
I'm disturbed as well, Skipper.
That boy with the kazoo.
Could it be?..
The legendary Kid Kazoo?
You know, Kid Kazoo.
The scourge of the Central park zoo.
Surely you must have heard the tales.
He was a sunday regular, a real piece of work
with a smile like a bear trap, a laugh like a deranged birthday clown.
But the sickest thing was that kazoo, yowling like a kindergarten orchestra.
That sounds horrible.
Kazoos always do, Private.
But nobody had it worse than poor Burt.
With his jumbo-sized ears, that incessant buzzing was sheer torture.
He hated that boy.
I wondered what ever happened to the little maniac.
Wait a minute.
Look at those shifty eyes,
that devious half smile,
those kazoo-kissed lips.
By Newton's apple, you're right.
It's kid kazoo all grown up.
Burt really holds a grudge. For years, apparently.
I knew it sounded dark and sinister,
but this is darker, sinster-er.
Elephant payback.
The trunk crusher, the peanut pelter,
maybe even the dreaded two-cheek squab and squish.
Oh, dear.
Whatever it is, we helped him start this mission of vengeance,
and we're gonna stop it.
Lenny, listen to me. I don't care what the margins are, okay.
Sell it. Spit it out like you found a bug in it. And then...
Yeah, lenny, I'm gonna have to call you back.
Cool? Okay. Love to the family. Buh-bye.
The hair is clearly pachydermic in origin and fresh.
A quick read of wind speed and direction tells me Burt went that way.
Come on. Come on.
Yes! Hello.
You have reached the animal control emergency hotline.
If you know the type of animal trying to gore you, please say it now.
Elephant.
E-le-phant.
Elephant!
You said everglades pygmy sunfish.
First, step out of the bayou onto dry land.
What are the talks? I just pressed a button.
For fish, press one.
You don't know how long I've waited for this, kid kazoo
Back away from that broker, you psycho.
P-p-penguins. Now there's penguins?
You said puebloan milk snake.
No. You guys don't understand.
I have to do this.
Then I'm afraid we'll have to do this.
Quit it.
Hey, cut it out.
Aw, come on.
Outstanding, Private. Now show me that combat driving.
But, Skipper, how do you steer an elephant?
Ah, the eternal riddle.
Does one truly steer the elephant, or does the elephant
Ooh, peanuts.
No, no!
Good golly. it's the two-cheeker.
What are you doing?
What's going on?
Did the psychoderm miss?
My old kazoo.
But I lost this thing years ago at...
at the Central park zoo.
Wait. You're that elephant?
He didn't lose it; I took it.
I snorted right out of his pocket when he wasn't looking.
I felt so guilty, I've been trying to give it back ever since.
And you couldn't have told us that in the first place?
Great.
Ah, I just get so embarrassed.
You know, it's mushy stuff.
It still works. Cool.
But... I thought you hated that kid and his kazoo.
An elephant never forgets.
But he always forgives.
Right. A little sappy for my taste.
Gentlemen, let's go home.
But, skipper, how are we supposed to sneak burt back to the zoo?
Now, remember, if anyone asks,
your name is the Museum of modern art.
You can call me MOMA.